LOSSES
There are small losses that we suffer in life and there are losses that are almost unbearable. But somehow we survive because life goes on and because the intention to live is stronger than anything.
This instinct (i.e. the instinct to live) overrides everything, but if we also have a choice to want to live, not just because we were born, but because we chose to, then that makes us much stronger in the face of events that cause suffering.
There are things we consider forgivable and we forgive. But it may also be that we have done something against others and that others may have already forgiven us for it, but we still have not been able to reconcile with them for what we have done or with ourselves.
There are some other cases when we cannot forgive because we are either not ready or we simply do not want to, in case they have gone against our core values. So these may not be things that we need to forgive or forget immediately. We live with them (whether we like it or not) and perhaps in time they could lose their power and we would no longer feel anger, bitterness, sadness or as if they have betrayed us etc. or in time we would become ready to forgive.
When that happens, we will simply face them as simple facts of life and move on, but they will no longer affect us as strongly as they did before, even if we remember them.Silo said that Reconciliation is a higher act than forgiveness, because forgiveness creates a situation where one person is subordinate to another.
I feel that it's good to practice the "smaller" act of forgiveness, which is many times a huge and almost impossible outcome in some situations. It is an inferior act to reconciliation, but it is better than staying in constant resentment or anger. Reconciliation is a big task and an ongoing work. When we succeed in forgiving we create a peace that can enable us to start on the path of reconciliation.
In life we are hurt and we hurt others, unfortunatelly! But these instances can help us to clarify what we have accepted or rejected. In the moment we cannot always take them as "lessons" and we suffer from them, but when they no longer have such a hold on us we understand the "teaching" they have brought with them.
Understanding them and coming to terms with them does not mean that we accept that similar things will be done to us in the future or that we will do them to others. It simply means that we no longer suffer from them and, if we find ourselves in a similar situation, they no longer cause us pain or suffering because we have been able to make sense of the situation.
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