DRINKING 

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I don't drink alcohol (I know that, I've written about it) but not for religious reasons. And there was a time when I did. And not a little. I mean, I drank alcohol on a daily basis... Mostly wine. Red. Sometimes beer or vodka with coke etc. But I drank alcohol for the last time in 2012 and since then I have never drank again and I have never even eaten sweets with alcohol in them (at least not that I was aware of). 

I missed it at first. Especially in the summer, on lazy evenings with friends, especially when others around me were drinking. But now it doesn't upset me at all and I never have the desire to drink alcohol.

Once here in Turkey, in Ankara to be precise, when we went to my husband's friends (also lawyers) and they drank alcohol and I was asked but I politely refused, they were pulling their lips off what kind of woman I was? Probably one from the countryside (they said to my husband), but not very modern. I was a little surprised at the time, firstly that I had heard this from educated people. Secondly that they equated the concept of "modern" with drinking alcohol. Thirdly that they pigeonholed me and actually looked down on me without actually asking me why I didn't drink alcohol. Or in fact, in view of the "modern world", they could have looked up to me for not drinking. But for them - and I noticed later - that for many, being "modern" here equates to some kind of childish rebellion, one form of which is drinking alcohol... such "just because" or "not because" thing. 

I.e. the Islamic religion forbids drinking alcohol and it's as if this and the rebellion against the tradicons is expressed in the fact that if you drink alcohol you are modern and therefore "superior" and if you don't you are old-fashioned and therefore "backward" "old-fashioned" or "inferior".

 There are specific districts in Istanbul where people party because there are pubs where you can drink alcohol, such as Kadikoy. And there are parts of the city, where there are no pubs at all. I think because it is considered there unacceptable. 

Otherwise there are local wines and the typical spirit, the so called "raki". It is like Greek ouzo, aniseed flavoured and most often consumed with fish dishes and with the so-called "meze" type dishes. These are salads in yoghurt dressings, olive oil and lemon juice. 

In my understanding, alcoholism and total drunkenness are in no way linked to a 'higher' level of development, in fact I would say quite the opposite. 

 And I have to say that it looks pretty shitty when someone throws up in the street or on themselves, or pisses their pants or screams or beats someone up because they have no control over themselves, or says or does things that they can't remember the next day and don't even want to remember, but then again, people who weren't drunk don't forget that easily. 

Of course, from the time I was drinking, I remember that there is a level of alcohol consumption when you are "drinking yourself into cute". You love everyone, hugs everyone, laughs (sometimes even makes others laugh)...but it can also be done uncontrollably and others may not be happy when a drunk person hugs them (or their child)...so it can be violent and unbearable for the environment. And! To be clear, alcoholism does not mean that someone drinks themselves unconscious every day. It means that they can't live without booze. 

It could be a glass of alcohol, a shot, a bottle of beer... whatever... but the point is that you have to drink because you are addicted to alcohol. So if you can't go a day without drinking alcohol, you're an alcoholic. By the way, it's also a very expensive pastime! Especially if you have to drink every day. An alcoholic rarely stops at one glass. The amount of liquid consumed increases over time and it's becoming more and more expensive. 

By the way, I have never seen a nice alcoholic (but if you did, please send me a pic). It's terribly degrading the body and the brain. So all I'm saying is that I don't drink alcohol and I feel very well AND I have no intention of drinking. I'll add that it doesn't bother me if someone drinks, but I don't drink and that's it. 😊

LOSSES

There are small losses that we suffer in life and there are losses that are almost unbearable. But somehow we survive because life goes on and because the intention to live is stronger than anything.

 This instinct (i.e. the instinct to live) overrides everything, but if we also have a choice to want to live, not just because we were born, but because we chose to, then that makes us much stronger in the face of events that cause suffering.

There are things we consider forgivable and we forgive. But it may also be that we have done something against others and that others may have already forgiven us for it, but we still have not been able to reconcile with them for what we have done or with ourselves.

There are some other cases when we cannot forgive because we are either not ready or we simply do not want to, in case they have gone against our core values. So these may not be things that we need to forgive or forget immediately. We live with them (whether we like it or not) and perhaps in time they could lose their power and we would no longer feel anger, bitterness, sadness or as if they have betrayed us etc. or in time we would become ready to forgive. 

When that happens, we will simply face them as simple facts of life and move on, but they will no longer affect us as strongly as they did before, even if we remember them.Silo said that Reconciliation is a higher act than forgiveness, because forgiveness creates a situation where one person is subordinate to another. 

I feel that it's good to practice the "smaller" act of forgiveness, which is many times a huge and almost impossible outcome in some situations. It is an inferior act to reconciliation, but it is better than staying in constant resentment or anger. Reconciliation is a big task and an ongoing work. When we succeed in forgiving we create a peace that can enable us to start on the path of reconciliation.

In life we are hurt and we hurt others, unfortunatelly! But these instances can help us to clarify what we have accepted or rejected. In the moment we cannot always take them as "lessons" and we suffer from them, but when they no longer have such a hold on us we understand the "teaching" they have brought with them. 

Understanding them and coming to terms with them does not mean that we accept that similar things will be done to us in the future or that we will do them to others. It simply means that we no longer suffer from them and, if we find ourselves in a similar situation, they no longer cause us pain or suffering because we have been able to make sense of the situation.

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COMPLAINT AND CULTURE

So human evil, carelessness and deliberate malice often leaves me upset. It is difficult to oversee these. I don't know why but sometimes people ignore what's going on with other people. For example, living together is something that's not easy. Even within a family. But in a house where several people live together, it's probably even harder. 

Everyone wants to be able to do what they want at home and some people don't give a damn what the neighbour thinks or if the neighbour has a child or asthma or whatever problem, or just washed his clothes or doesn't want to sit in other people's smoke all day or have smoke in his clean clothes or furniture or want to sleep at night and not partying. In a "fight" like this, the winner is the one who is the most ignorable or the stinkyest 😊 or the rudest. We live together in a house where there are ignorant and tolerant people both, as everywhere else. We smoke too...but on the balcony. And we air out the flat (especially since it's not our flat as we rent it and try to keep it as clean as possible...  but anyway if we leave they'll paint it). 

I admit, if you smoke it's hard to have as clean air in your home, as if nobody smokes... but why does the neighbour "smoke in my flat"? How is that possible? I didn't really understand it for a long time either, I just noticed this: Before I leave home, I hang out my washed clothes in the room, leave my home in fresh smell and airy and when I return home I arrive in a "gas chamber" or not so long after the "chimney mode" starts ...well it's not gas, it's smoke. 

So the clean clothes smell of cigarett smoke, heavy with some kind of oily goo. In the evening, when we are at home, it appears in the flat as a pungent smell and a stinky, heavy  fume that irritates the throat, makes you feel dizzy and takes the oxygen out of the room. You have to keep open the windows, which is quite impossibel during the night when you re sleeping but your nice neighbours don't just smoking all night long.. It's especially pleasant in autumn and winter when it's cold outside.

So there are two "interesting" things here in Turkey (here comes the 'culture') that can make life miserable for you.

These are the 1, cigar (puro):

                                                https://tr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puro

and 2, the water pipe (nargile):  

When you're just sitting at home you might not feel the smell, because you've been in them for a while, but you can feel the effects. You may then experience symptoms mentioned above (so again: strange perfume-like smell mixed with smoke, throat scratching, hoarseness, nasal congestion, dizziness, drowsiness, headache, nausea, stomach or abdominal pain, loss of appetite, restlesness, and sleeping problems etc.).  Waterpipe is used in legal settings with tobacco and various aromas, in non-legal settings with various drugs such as marijuana and so on ( for your information: the time being marijuana is not a legal drug in Turkey) which if used in waterpipe I don't know exactly what the symptoms are. It could be like laughing while you're stinking of your own shit.

 It takes about 1 hour to smoke a pipe. This generates a very gross amount and quality of smoke around you and if you are being breathed on by your neighbour on a daily basis...then you really sucked (as we did).

There are also other interesting cigarettes here. Electric ones that let out about the same amount of smoke as a chimney...

Now these are all "pleasant" things when your neighbour is sitting in it all day long without opening their window and it seeps into your flat. The smoke usually rises. But the smoke from waterpipe is oily, because of the aromas they are using with the tobbaco and this kind of smoke covers everything also  downwards, with this stinking oily staff.

I smoke too. I smoke light cigarettes, let's say 5 a day max. 

But I don't blow it into other people's faces, I don't smoke in the flat and I don't store the smoke in the flat. But! Not everyone is like me, so there are different kinds of people. I'm not saying they're bad people, just that they don't really care about their environment and others. Sorry, but this is how it is. 

                                                    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/555420566520995529/

I mean, when we get this huge amount of smoke that has already soaked into our furniture (and I have no idea how the fuck I'm going to get rid of it ), I wonder what it smells like where they are smoking it all day long...well, horrible I guess. Now I can only share this part of this culture with such a tone 😞, maybe next time I'll talk about alcohol, because that's worth "complaining" about 😊 or maybe something else, what I can't complaint about  😊 However I can promise that I will survive. Not like Gloria Gaynor... because that would be a very big cliché and you wouldn't be surprised if I said. So, no.  But I will do it the way I can survive.

If you like my blog, posts, my photos or  just me 😊 you can support my work here: 

https://buymeacoffee.com/littlebit