WINTER AND BEING SICK IN ISTANBUL 

It's winter...and it's very cold even here in Istanbul. 

And if you are living in older houses (like us) like 40-45-60 old and not to mention the older ones, which are the biggest part in Istanbul, there is just no insulation on the houses. They built it with no or very small insulation, so you can heat like crazy and still freezing inside the house.

Nowadays many people are sick with a strange type of flue. Which can lasts for even a month, with coughing, weakness, sometimes fever and lot of secration, sometimes maybe pneumonia. And in this situation you have to see the doctor, because no way to recover just by your own. 

And here is the thing! One of the oddities of the Turkish health system is that if you get an appointment with your GP, 

for example, and you can't go (say you're so ill or you get hit by a car on the road or you have a funeral or whatever) you can't get another appointment for 15 days. The other oddity (let's call it that because I don't want to use stronger words than that) is that if you are so ill that you spit out your lungs the GP won't even write you out to stay at home with any sickness except in the most extreme (say dying?) case.

                                  

Imagine that, someone with the flu not sleeping all night, coughing, spitting up what needs to be spat out, not being able to eat, weakening in two days

... and going to work with it, through the freezing cold winter streets, the crazy traffic, waiting (you can't sit down, because if you're young nobody cares if you're half dead or not, you have to give up your seat) or travelling for hours to get home (Istanbul is a huge city)

...but that's the system here.

And then there is this excellent rule that those over 65 can go to the doctors on a first come first served basis. So you're sitting there waiting for your appointment (say you have to go to work afterwards because the doctor won't write you out anyway) and there's a long queue of over 65s...and you can't go in before them because the doctor shouts out every time that it's the over 65s' turn. The ones who are retired anyway...they have time to sit there, but no. And if you get bored of it...

...because the fifth or sixth over 65 has gone in before you (who are in for half an hour) you can't go home because you won't get another appointment for 15 days, so not only won't they see you if you're sick, but you won't even get a fucking pill to cure you. Now that's a wonderful system. Well man!

Obviously there's a lot of sick people over 65 and they're sitting at the doctor's and the young people who get sick, say, twice a year and have to go to work and go to university and whatnot are sitting there for hours.....

...because of this system? Well, how is that?

Whose very clever idea was that? I guess someone who goes to a private doctor or maybe has their own doctor who visits them in their own home when they are sick...because fuck, if someone who introduced this can do it without freaking out (and not being over 65) then congratulations. Shouldn't we think a little sometimes about looking at what is a priority? I'm sorry but if a 65+ is so sick that they need immediate help....

... there's the emergency room or the ER...and why can't they wait. My mother waits and my father waits (and they are over 70 and sit and wait) and it's so much better so everyone goes to the appointment they have, isn't it a much more logical and less outrageous and fairer system? I think so. 

 TOO MUCH LOVE CAN KILL YOU

What to do if you've forgotten the birthday of someone you love very, very much. 

 Well, there's nothing to do, when you remember, you should wish them well.

You could buy them their favourite cake and it's OK if it's not in the exact day of their birthday...

... but whenever you remember, you can always do something special for someone...

It doesn't matter if it is on a birthday or not, any day can be special if you make it special. 

It doesn't have to be on the day when the calendar says, just do something special and preferably something that the other person really loves and maybe someting what you can do together. 

In any case the day will be special if the person you want to celebrate or make happy, will feel really, really happy not just as if or a little bit.

At the same time, avoid giving a gift to someone who doesn’t want or care about someone who doesn’t need or you can’t do it in a way they want. If you do give something, don't expect things or love or care in return and especially don't „blackmail” the person you have given it to, because you will only make them never want to accept anything again and certainly not love you if you are constantly putting them under such psychological pressure. 

In short, we will only cause more suffering for them and for ourselves, because it is also possible that someone will leave us or avoid us far away. Let's not confuse things, to what we want with what is good for them, especially when the other person protests verbally or non-verbally, because if we are not like a „blanket” and have a heart, 

...we can feel what the other person wants or does not want, even if it is not expressed in words.

Did you know that "too much love" can kill people? 

With that:  "Oh but I only want what's good for you...no to happen anything bad to you, my sweetheart" and then they are constantly checking up on you, telling you what to do. I’ll save you, I’ll watch you all the time, I’ll keep an eye on you, 

I’ll follow your every move...

because I'm so worried that something might happen to you, I don't let you live or breathe for a moment and if you can't say thank you for all this or if you still live the way you like… I'm offended...

…why? because I only want what's good for you and you don't do what I say. And unfortunately, if I'm offended I have to punish you somehow. For example not loving you, not being your friend or love or family member anymore, not helping you with anything, not talking to you, not visiting you.

And above all I will make you feel guilty. You make me sick, you are causing me haeadaches, heart attackes whatever, I’m cooking you the best ever meals,

...and buying you pricey gifts, spending on you lot of money and still you are so ungrateful...So you have to feel guilty all the time and afraid that you will be alone and there will be no help when you need....

what I want to say is we should learn how to treat someone the way we want to be treated and to give without expectations…not easy, not easy at all, but it’s worth to try.